You need to GROWS

I just finished a short book on managing conflicts. It's called the "Top Performer's guide to managing conflicts". It's quite a nice book compiling several different researches and publications by other authors. In light of this, I'd like to share about the simple method of interpersonal conflict resolution which is thru the use of the GROWS technique. So here's what it says:

GATHER: which basically asks us to gather information about the conflict, asking questions such as "What do you think is the main cause of this conflict?" or "How did we get into this situation"? We need to fully understand the perspective of the other person?

REFLECT: reflect back on the situation and clarify that you want to resolve the conflict. It is important to paraphrase and summarize what the other person feels to ensure that you understand where the other person is coming from and that he/she knows that you understand him/her.

OWN: Admit it. Even if you feel that you were not at fault - you could have done something better - otherwise there wouldn't be a conflict. You need to be accountable for your actions that contributed to the conflict. No buts... it defeats the purpose.

WANT: Let the other person know what you need from him. Verbalizing a want is important. Note as well that not everything you want is an entitlement. Entitlement often produces resistance.

STRATEGIZE: Brainstorm win-win situations. Ask questions like "How can we both get what we want here?" or "What ideas haven't we tried yet?"

This is a very simple yet effective approach to conflict management. As the diagram shows, everytime a step does not work out, you can always go back to the previous step or go back to the gathering stage to get more information.

My current project needs this. Not internally to my team though.. but more to do with the internal customer dynamics. Unfortunately, we're at the receiving end of all the conflicts within them.